She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
