ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
