you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
