he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
