Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
