After last night, I could never be a politician.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
