I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
