One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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