I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
