I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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