If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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