How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
