Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
