Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
