If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
