I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize