I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
