we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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