she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Operation Purity has been aborted
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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