My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
