I never want to see another naked old woman again.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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