i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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