I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
