as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
