He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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