i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
