I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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