hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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