I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
