So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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