Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think a kid would responsible me up
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
