Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
