do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
