Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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  (614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward? http://tfl.nu/41t8
  Replies (34) Good night (1293) Bad night (8620)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

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  (313): her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli http://tfl.nu/6z4f
  Replies (42) Good night (926) Bad night (5150)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (21) Good night (7606) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

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  (508): All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed. http://tfl.nu/eckq
  Replies (22) Good night (7394) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison

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  (903): this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison http://tfl.nu/pb8x
  Replies (11) Good night (3149) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs

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  (915): You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs http://tfl.nu/qhlh
  Replies (10) Good night (2565) Bad night (1616)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.

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  (541): You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize. http://tfl.nu/yage
  Replies (5) Good night (2710) Bad night (1079)
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  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2319) Bad night (680)
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  (739): View more from

  The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.

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  (739): The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/v9ao
  Replies (13) Good night (3410) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  The chlamydia really affected his face.

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  (907): The chlamydia really affected his face. http://tfl.nu/9z0n
  Replies (6) Good night (451) Bad night (2175)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.

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  (770): He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons. http://tfl.nu/t6wz
  Replies (9) Good night (605) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.

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  (915): I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday. http://tfl.nu/5xu3
  Replies (5) Good night (410) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.

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  (727): I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes (937): Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you. http://tfl.nu/m8ti
  Replies (1) Good night (727) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.

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  (229): For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later. http://tfl.nu/acsz
  Replies (7) Good night (732) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...

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  (405): Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time... http://tfl.nu/6vqb
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (276)

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