Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.