Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...