I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...