everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we should paint friendship bongs
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
