We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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