God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who died my cat blue again?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
