I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
