Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
