And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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