We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
