I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
