at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
