Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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