You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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