I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
