wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
