drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
