my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do herpes really smell.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
