Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
