I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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