I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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