i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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