my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
