definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the day after is always just damage control
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
