I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
