the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
