Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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