i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We need to get me chipped asap
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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