if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
