apparently the secret to your success is patron
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
