Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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