Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
