You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
