We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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