Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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