Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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